I'll show you something else that's SCARY.

This was our dinner last night:



It's supposed to be Jamaican Vegetable Patties, and it's supposed to look like this:


I gathered from its name that it was also supposed to be spicy and Jamaican and, well, edible, but HCB summed it up rather succinctly when he asked, "Why are we eating peas and carrots for dinner? And why do they taste so disgusting?"

Poor man. This meal was preceded the night before by "Tempeh Triangles with Piccata Sauce," which he described as "breaded wood chips soaked in lemon juice." He dutifully ate platefuls of both, with only minimal Squishy Face.

I've been dabbling with vegetarianism for a while now, 'cause it's true that eating beef - and virtually all industrially raised animals - is really bad for the planet.



I've amassed a small but useful arsenal of veggie dinner options, including: vegggie tofu green curry, conchigle rigate with tomatoes and chick peas, and my quickest fix, quinoa-stuffed peppers. But seeing as how I can't imagine us eating curries and pasta and rice dishes for the rest of our lives, I was looking for something more meat-like, more versatile, more...square-mealish.

And so I turned to Vegetarian Times. Apparently this was the best they could do. As I masochistically masticated my peas and carrots last night, I actually shed a tear for kids who grow up this way. You know, not knowing that food can be delicious. I also shed a tear for the pain in my wrist and elbow from all the god damn chopping, mincing, slicing and peeling.

Alas, I haven't given up yet. If you have beloved veggie recipes that don't take two hours and 47 ingredients to prepare, please, I beg you, SHARE THEM.

Happy Halloween, My Pretties!

Major seasonal bonus of homemade skincare: the perfect Wicked Witch visage. Awesomely green, awesomely alarming, with built-in warts! (The clay tends to clump.)

Despite its unsightliness, I'm still loving my non-caustic cosmeceuticals. I use the Oatmeal Almond Face Scrub every morning, the Skin Freshener twice a day, and I plop the green witch mask on three times a week. However, I have adjusted some of the recipes slightly:

For the Oatmeal Almond Face Scrub, my food processor doesn't reduce the almonds and oats into small enough pieces, so I also crush the bits together in a mortar and pestle before mixing with the wet ingredients. And I find that 1/2 tsp of apple juice is not enough, so I just keep adding drops until the consistency feels pasty and spreadable. One recipe's worth is enough to last me at least a week.

As for the Green Clay Mask, I've abandoned the recipe altogether in favor of just mixing the clay with warm water. I found that the apricot kernel oil was too...oily, so now I just follow the directions on the package. The hilarious, magical package:



On the back, it actually says "FEEL YOUR FACE PULSATE!" I can't say that I have, but maybe that's because I don't add the recommended apple cider vinegar.

What I can say is that my skin is happier on this natural stuff than it's ever been on anything else. I've even walked away from the Retin-A! Full disclosure: I'm still using a Skinceuticals Serum in the mornings. But the Amazing Sue Upton sent me a recipe this week for making my own Vitamin C Serum, so we'll see. I may soon have a 100% natural face.

Motherfucker.

This is an underhanded dirty trick, TJ. You know full well that Maxx time doesn't start until 2009.

No Such Luck.

Well, the jury is in on the folks - not my folks, the ones who own HCB's three million nieces and nephews. They have reluctantly voted against the experiences-for-Xmas thing. Apparently, they all love the idea, but find the scheduling problematic and ultimately, impractical.

Merf.

Of course, the news has sent me running straight back to my old flame. Have you SEEN the Crewcuts line? Seriously, who wouldn't want to dress their kid up like this?



Or this?



Or this?! GAWD!



(BTW, HCB has mostly nieces.)

Hard to ignore the gift of fashion when your green intentions fail you. We tried to give gift certificates to kids consignment shops once, but that didn't work out either. (Tough to assess used stores from a distance of several thousand miles.) So I don't know what we're going to do. Anybody seen any cool eco style for little girls?

And as for you, adorable adult-sized metallic ballet flats,



kindly refrain from haunting my dreams.

Feliz Navidad?

Christmas poses something of an obstacle when you're living La Vida Not New. And by "obstacle", I mean months of stress-induced gastro-intestinal discomfort. So I'm pretty excited that I may have conned my parents into ditching the Happy Holidays for (spoken with intonation of Price i$ Right announcer) A RELAXING WEEKEND SOMEWHERE IN MEXICO!

Getting my mom to agree to a shared vacation in lieu of gifts is a huge coup. Aside from the Not Buying on our end, her yen for playing Santa often leaves all 650 sq ft of Ugly Betty littered with tchotchkes of Cost Plus provenance - this way we get to avoid consumerism all around. Of course, that same yen could make her change her mind, so I'm not counting los pollos before they're hatched.

The next hurdle is the in-laws, including all 3 million of HCB's nieces and nephews. Last year we gave them experiences rather than actual presents, which we decided to do after watching them open actual presents. When kid after kid's eyes glaze over during what is supposed the most exciting moment of their miniature life, you know they have too much f-ing stuff. It took almost three months to find mom&baby salsa lessons, museum memberships, cave tours, botanical garden sleepovers and private art lessons in three countries. Before we do it again, we're waiting to hear if we created a huge pain in the ass for all the parents. And we're hoping for suggestions.

Temptation that's hard to ignore.

Especially when your current laptop can't surf and chew Powerpoint at the same time.

The question is: do I get the MacBook or the updated superfly MacBook Air? Here, watch the video and give me the recap. Carrie Bradshaw can't handle the painful truth.

(This is after Baby New Year rings in 2009, obvi...)

Quicken Earth September: Spending Disincentives

What with the Wall Street crisis, car repairs, and hacking my way through actual Quicken for 2007, the only thing I wanted to buy last month was gold ingots.

OOPS!
Wedding gift kerfuffle: HCB and I went halfsies on a New gift for our married friends. But since the wedding was last year (we're A-holes), I'm sort of pretending that it doesn't count.

NECESSITIES
I'm finally getting the hang of bulk buying at Rainbow. I've always preferred to buy my flour there (they have EVERY possible variety), but now I'm refilling jars of honey, bottles of olive oil, grains, nuts, dried beans...even pasta. It doesn't hurt that HCB came home with these cute vintage containers from the GoodWill.


I tell you, nothing makes a girl feel more self-satisfied than reducing household waste. Especially if it's done in style.

CREATIVE CONSUMPTION (i.e. USED ARTICLES)
There was this one little spurge...I was in my favorite store, Cookin', when I spotted this perfectly preserved, utterly adorable vintage Dru cast iron oven. It's just like the one my friend Amy has in PA.


Amy, I'm afraid this is merely Step One in my attempt to Single White Female you.

And then there was this tiny $5 windfall at a garage sale a few weekends ago:

I love tiny vases, HCB hates them. It's called Keeping Our Love Life Spicy.

UP FOR DISCUSSION
I hardly ever print. Really. But even the printing-averse occasionally have to buy ink. I'm inclined to think this can be considered a consumable, since it's similar to pens, dish soap, tissues, sponges, fire wood, etc.

OH and the car parts. That was really out of my hands, but since I don't technically NEED my car (no commute, easy public transport, bicycle), I still feel a little guilty about it. Or is that just residual anger?

ABSTENTIONS
I do wish the voice track would line up with Tina Fey's mouth when I watch Palin impersonations on old Carrie Bradshaw, but I'm getting the gist. And it sure is nice not to have $3K on my credit card right about now...

Because I'm the Editrice Around Here

I must exploit this forum to tell you that I GOT TO BAKE SARA AND TODD'S WEDDING CAKE.

It wasn't a "wedding" wedding cake, just the one they cut into for pictures (they served little tarty things for dessert). But Grandma says it counts, and Bryn's mom said it had a perfect consistency.

Behold the local organic nuptial splendor:







In case you were wondering:
lemon 1-2-3-4 cake
lemon curd center
vanilla buttercream frosting
(all Martha)
mums and scabiola pods as decoration

This is easily the biggest baking achievement of MY LIFE.

Sustainable Lurve

Our super-handy table-building friends, Sara and Todd, chose this poem as a reading during their ceremony. It was so appropriate for them, and so touching. A sweet reminder that marriage isn't about the Williams-Sonoma gift registry - no matter how much Le Creuset you get.

A Romance
by Stephen Dunn

He called eel grass
what she called seaweed.
He insulated their house with it.
She was interested in
the transparence of her skin.
He walled the bathroom
with barn-siding, he built the couch
with wood he had chopped.
She, a friend once said,
was a calligrapher of the dark.
He dug a root cellar
to store vegetables. He built a shack
for his ducks. Once, while asleep,
he said “the half-shut eye of the moon”.
She spoke about the possible
precision of doubt.
He knew when the wind changed
what weather it would bring.

She baked bread, made jam
from sugar berries, kept a notebook
with what she called
little collections of her breath.
He said the angle the nail goes in
is crucial.
She fed the ducks, called them
her sentient beings.
She wondered how one becomes
a casualty of desire.
He said a tin roof in summer
sends back the sun’s heat.
She made wine from dandelions.
She once wrote in her notebook
“the ordinary loveliness of this world”.
He built a bookcase
for her books.
They took long walks.

Wedding March

Surprisingly (at least to me), the single biggest external threat to my Not New lifestyle is wedding gifts.

This is because:

a) it seems just about everybody I know is getting hitched

and

b) people setting up house together never seem to ask for a GoodWill gift certificate - much to the shock and dismay of HCB.

We've attended eight weddings in the last 16 months. Most of the time we have found a way to give green(ish): a wine club membership, green home remodeling books for a couple who was in the process, and even a gift certificate to a salvage yard for some super-handy friends who plan to build their own dining room table.

But there are some couples we just don't know well enough to stray from the registry, or others who don't share our obsession with sustainability. This year, I've broken my vow in order to purchase a stake in a new dishwasher, some non-organic his-and-hers luxury items, and one as-yet-undecided offering for a super athletic, outdoorsy couple.

I'm tired. Any ideas for me? We can always fall back on the wine club...it's local and earth-conscious - you can even return the bottles and packaging. But it'd be fun to find a new Not New solution...