It's official: I'm full of it.

I've spent a whole lotta time here at TBONTB attempting to define my relationship with shopping. At various points, I've called it a syndrome, an addiction, a coping mechanism, and a natural proclivity (in fact, sometimes all in the same post). I've described fashion as a source of pure, exuberant self-expression (which I still believe - or at least the exuberant part). I've exposed my secret fear that by walking (okay tiptoeing) away from consumerism, I might lose my sense of self.

Yeah, that's a bunch of bullshit.

A few months ago, I helped my shopping-phobic friend Sara find her wedding dress. We scored big-time in no time: a stunning, unique, no-alterations-necessary Angel Sanchez for less than a sixth of the original price. At her bachelorette party this weekend, I described this as perhaps the greatest shopping coup of my life. I was then reminded that I also picked out her homecoming and senior prom dresses - and probably made the same proclamation at both junctures.

A few days later, I was doing the eco blog rounds and came across this quote from the documentary "What Would Jesus Buy?"

"In a hundred years Americans will find another way to have fun besides shopping. My worry is that we won't have time to evolve these changes at the usual rate - by then we will derail the earth's systems, especially its climate."

It struck me like an Acme(R) anvil: For the last 25 years, shopping has been my hobby. In fact, it's our national hobby. I'm surprised we haven't tried to make it an Olympic sport.

It's so Duh Factor that I don't know how I never saw it before. I guess I wanted it to be more important than that. After all, shopping was also my creative outlet.

Well, after seven months of testing the waters, I no longer worry that walking away from consumerism will divest me of my sense of self. In fact, if anything, it's helping me FIND my sense of self. Thanks entirely to NOT shopping (and the miracle of the Interweb), I'm finally putting my creative energy where I've always wanted it to go. This blog is first opportunity I've taken to explore my own voice, the first place I've never had to use the word 'innovation'. And it's so much more FUN than completing transactions at jcrew.com.

Of course, that doesn't mean I'll ever stop shopping completely. Old habits die hard.

Hey Sara, you sure you don't need a ball gown?

Current Status: Fragile and Reversible

I've been thinking a lot about 2009. More specifically, I've been dreaming of 2009: that giddy moment of freedom when I can celebrate the end of personal and political tyranny with as many pop-colored dripless candlesticks as I can stuff in my cloth shopping bag.

Er, wait...

I wrote it down somewhere...oh yeah, OVER THERE --->

that I committed to this whole sitch because I wanted to experience truly conscious consumerism, in hopes of permanently changing my attitude toward my nasty little habit.

Well, it has become painfully obvious to me lately that I haven't turned any corners yet. I haven't seen any lights at the end of the tunnel. And I know exactly where the champagne bottle is: right there in the fridge door, winking at me.



It's unreasonable (nay, in my case, impossible) to imagine that I could stop buying new stuff forever. But all I can say is this: I sure do hope I come up with a better exit strategy between now and December 31st. Because if all I've done by then is spend 365 frustrating days putting off buying stuff, well take my picture and put it in the OED right next to the word FUTILE.