DIY Bitches

With all the skincare revelations this week, my mind went back to Vert and their singular focus on chemical-free products.

I'm not saying that banishing chemicals from our beauty potions isn't important--not with this Hypochondria Black Belt stylishly cinching my waist. (And let's not forget the baby animals--chemicals in cosmetics also run into water bodies, threatening cute sea dwellers and their habitats.) But I guess the thing that really bothers me is the rampant use of "eco" as an implied synonym for "expensive" and "luxury". Yes, many legitimately sustainable products, like local organic produce, are more expensive because their real cost isn't subsidized by industry. But it seems more often than not these days, marketers are making sure our good intentions turn a handsome profit.

Of course, it stings all the more because I fell right into the Greensumption trap with Jurlique. (I'm still clutching those bottles as I dream of an idyllic farm in South Australia.) As much as I love the products, and as much as I believe the company is legitimately committed to sustainability, it's not local, it's too expensive, and what's more, it still contains some itchy-sounding stuff.

So it is with high hopes that I go into tomorrow night's soirée. Using 17 truly natural ingredients (not one of which is patchouli), we're going to cover the entire skincare spectrum, from makeup removal to exfoliation, masks, toning and moisturizer. It might be a disaster. But if we're lucky, it'll be an affordable, empowering eco solution. No matter what, it's going to be fun.

Hours of Endless Hypochondria

If you really want proof that The Cancer is coming for you, bust out this book:

A Consumer's Dictionary of Cosmetic Ingredients by Ruth Winter, M.S.

or this website:

Skin Deep: Cosmetic Safety Database
(which has the added benefit of specific brand and product reviews, so you don't have to type in all those long, scary-sounding ingredients)

Three hours of bleary-eyed database trolling has led me to the following conclusion: if you buy it in a bottle or a tube, it's got some kind of crap in it that doesn't sound like a good idea to put on your face. Even my beloved Jurlique seems to be pushing it, though it's hard to get a clear assessment when so many common ingredients haven't been studied for cosmetic applications. Not to mention the fact that many cosmetics have only recently been tested for toxic ingredients. Like, say lead in lipstick.

I feel itchy.

Antipodean Desire

No, it's not the title of my soon-to-be-published Harlequin Romance novel about the unlikely love affair between a lonely New Zealand bungee jumper and a beautiful American goat herder passing through Christchurch for an artisan cheesemaker's seminar.

Here's the whole truth and nothing but: I have gotten hot and heavy with Jurlique, a ridiculously expensive biodynamic Australian skincare line. We started flirting when, as an extension of my eco-nerd obsession, I decided to give up the ridiculously expensive caustic chemical/petroleum-based skincare I was using previously. It's gotten serious way faster than I expected. Like, 5-oz purchase serious.

Of course, it's a bit like buying organic Chilean blueberries in February. Which is to say that my luscious, creamy, heaven-scented biodynamic tinctures aren't cutting any carbon. The boys at Wired would give it two thumbs way down.

But I think I've found a quasi-solution much closer to home.

I've been to the library, consulted with my dermatologist and the skintastic Sue Upton, and I believe I've narrowed in on the most promising almond scrub, rose water toner and clay mask recipes in history.

So in homage to those convivial Jafra pyramid scheme parties I witnessed as a child, I'm inviting you over to rub stuff all over your face, imbibe wine spritzers and kvetch about men. I will provide all ingredients, as organic and local as I can get them.

All you have to do is:
a) post a comment saying you want to attend
b) be prepared to be seen without makeup by the entire Internet
and
c) show up on the appointed day, which will likely be a weeknight next week.

Who's with me?

Quicken Earth June: Blah Blah Blah

Let's make this quick. I've already got a whole bunch of July to talk about.

OOPS!
New stuff is dead to me.

NECESSITIES


Normally I make myself giggle by posting a photographic representation of my monthly wine intake here. The ripple was indeed imbibed. But I also ran out of ridiculously expensive caustic cosmeceuticals, and with the advice and consent of Sue Upton, Skin Care Genius, I decided to try out some new ridiculously expensive biodynamic skin care in its stead. Of course I'm already in love with it. But the topic bears further discussion. Later.

CREATIVE CONSUMPTION (i.e. USED ARTICLES)
I was brutally attacked by three excellent summery dresses while walking past Crossroads on the way to my new office-away-from-the-office, The Grove. (I don't know, there's something about their salads I find comforting.)

UP FOR DISCUSSION
I am too busy to bother with gray areas.

ABSTENTIONS
I don't recall wanting anything this month except a vacation. And the ability to make people bend to my will.

Oh, also: I don't really count this as an abstention, but HCB thinks I need a new bike seat. The mushy top layer of the one I have is starting to peel, and it leaves these little pieces of rubber on my butt every time I ride it. In a stunning role reversal, I'm advocating a washcloth and the judicious application of duct tape.