First I am going to find a bench or a big man or a taxi or a motorcade and then I am going to do some serious reflection on this friendship I mean I think Sandra could had been a little more specific when she said we were going to walk the mall because all she told me was that a lot of other girls were gonna be there, and camera crews and stuff, and that it was important to participate if I cared about my body, so I figured that like, there was like a model search at Tyson's Corner or something which I guess doesn't make that much sense in hindsight since Sandra isn't really *into* fashion or whatever, but I thought maybe that pair of Citizens I finally made her buy last week had transformed her somehow because great jeans can do that, but unfortunately nothing could be further from the truth because she picks me up this morning in her Prius and she's just wearing like old nasty...omg i can't even say it Wr. Wr. Wrrang Wranglers...and she's got like weird slogans on her tee shirt and looking all...loud and mad and stuff, and I am all, here we go again, I've been sucked into another one of Sandra's perminazi tirades And I am all, I am NOT going to stand outside Nordstrom again with that PeTRIE sign but then we're headed down GW Parkway and I finally figure out that we're going to THAT Mall and I'm just glad at least that I'm wearing the best Chloe knockoffs of the season, you know, 'cause of all the camera crews and I'm thinking like Oh! like I wonder if that lady Jeanne Beker will be there! I could totally end up on Fashion Television! but it's been two hours already and we're halfway between the big dude and the tall pointy thing with the swimming pool, and I've waved at lots of camera crews but Jeanne is NOWHERE to be found...meanwhile, I seriously might have to have both pinky toes amputated because I haven't been able to feel them for like one hour and fifty-seven minutes and if that happens I'm totally going to make Sandra give me hers but at least I am a) totally the cutest girl here and b) I can totally see over everybody's heads and C) ANYBODY WHO TRIES TO STEP ON THESE TOES WILL NEVER ENJOY ANOTHER PEDICURE AS LONG AS THEY LIVE. DID YOU HEAR THAT, BITCHES? I WILL STOMP. SO STEP THE HELL BACK. I am totally going to need a deep conditioning treatment after this.
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