Care For a Sip of Whine?

I have a dark secret.

I try to keep it lighthearted around here, but I've been in a funk for days now. Maybe even weeks, intermittently.

I am a person of perennial sunshine, normally. So why am I so empty, petulant, tormented by ennui?

The weather is blue skies and hallelujah, so it's not S.A.D.

My workouts have been inconsistent, but I'm still getting exercise. And to paraphrase Linda Evangelista, I don't mind a little zaftig, because everybody loves boobs.

Work is fine.

HCB is HCB.

This is my theory:

I think I am actually, literally, going through buying withdrawal.

Allow me to use MATH AND SCIENCE to prove it.

In 2006, the most recent year for which data is available, I spent a total of $10,880.52 on clothes, shoes, handbags and housewares.

[Mental note: who needs psychotherapy or Catholicism when you've got the Interweb?]

That's $906.71 a month in giddy spending.

If you measure your money in units of shoes, like I do, that's a really cute pair of platforms every week.

Collecting all those pretty things is a natural proclivity of mine, but looking at it from this vantage point, maybe it's also a coping mechanism. Having the latest and greatest makes me feel in control. Assuages my insecurities. Reinforces my sense of self.

And it's proven science that for some people, the very act of shopping releases dopamine to the brain. I am most definitely one of those people. So I haven't had a good hit in almost three months now.

Vintage shopping has its own highs (Triumphant bargains! The thrill of the hunt!), but you just as often walk away empty-handed and disappointed. Unlike regular retail, you can't just lock eyes on something across the room (or the web, or the catalog, or the magazine page) and KNOW that it will be yours. My Aunt Diane always says that was what was so exciting about the '70's: she was talking about men, but I think it must be a similar feeling.

I prefer to focus on the positive, but it wouldn't be honest of me to leave out this part of the experience. Nothing feels glass-half-full right now. I just hope that if this foul mood is a withdrawal symptom, it'll wear off, and soon.