Seriously, I'd have to be drunk to let some misguided application of principles make me pass these up.
But not quite as drunk as I'd need to be to patronize a Wal-Mart on Black Friday.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Diplomatic Immunity
Surely Buy Nothing Day doesn't apply to hardly worn, blood red, peep-toe Cynthia Rowley heels discovered at Angel View for $6.99?
Seriously, I'd have to be drunk to let some misguided application of principles make me pass these up.
But not quite as drunk as I'd need to be to patronize a Wal-Mart on Black Friday.
Seriously, I'd have to be drunk to let some misguided application of principles make me pass these up.
But not quite as drunk as I'd need to be to patronize a Wal-Mart on Black Friday.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Papa Dru and Mamma Dru and Baby Batter Bowl
Remember this fetching cast iron dutch oven I found at my favorite used cooking store back in September?
Well, not only did Excellent Aunt Diane gift me a smaller blue version she found, but whilst doing the thrift store rounds, I happened upon a cute cousinly bowl for $10. Don't they just make the happiest little family?
Well, not only did Excellent Aunt Diane gift me a smaller blue version she found, but whilst doing the thrift store rounds, I happened upon a cute cousinly bowl for $10. Don't they just make the happiest little family?
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
A simple matter of manifestation.
There's quite a back story to the reason I ended up two days before Thanksgiving without a roasting pan, but suffice to say it involves an oven fire, baking soda, inadequate kitchen storage, the inability to Buy New, and a faulty memory.
In fact, I had put the dilemma completely out of my mind until this afternoon, as we were sifting through the kitchen section of the Palm Desert Angel View Resale Boutique, about a third of the way through our survey of the desert thrift stores.
I said, "Oh crap, I guess I need to find a roasting pan."
As the words exited my mouth, I looked down, and there it was directly in front of me, the cutest darn $3.99 roasting pan this side of Denmark:
I'd like to give my powers of suggestion all the credit, but the truth is, the desert is rife with finds just like this. These stores are so fruitful, so reliable, that they warrant an oasis joke.
In fact, I had put the dilemma completely out of my mind until this afternoon, as we were sifting through the kitchen section of the Palm Desert Angel View Resale Boutique, about a third of the way through our survey of the desert thrift stores.
I said, "Oh crap, I guess I need to find a roasting pan."
As the words exited my mouth, I looked down, and there it was directly in front of me, the cutest darn $3.99 roasting pan this side of Denmark:
I'd like to give my powers of suggestion all the credit, but the truth is, the desert is rife with finds just like this. These stores are so fruitful, so reliable, that they warrant an oasis joke.
Altercations with Southern California Grocery Professionals
Thanksgiving 08 is at my aunt Diane's house in Palm Springs. I love the desert. Peaceful and quiet and arid. Many scenic cacti. 80 degrees in the wintertime. And filled to the gills with The Aged and/or Gays' Awesome Mid-Century Detritus.
But it is also Southern California, so local produce is basically non-existent, and the organic options are limp, anemic and most likely Chilean.
Knowing this, I planned accordingly. My trusty Golf TDI and I traveled 505 miles yesterday with a cooler full of farmer's market veggies and a trunk full of Le Creuset. (And we still averaged 41 miles to the gallon!) The only thing I needed from the desert was some dairy prod and a turkey. A local gourmet chain down the street is offering a range of Diestel birds, a company with a great reputation for sustainability, so I ordered us a zaftig Heidi's Organic 14-pounder.
I went to pick it up this morning. Now, the last time I went to Southern California, I not only accosted a retail associate at an "eco" skincare boutique, I got kicked out of a "natural" a grocery store for taking this image of sad imported vegetables:
(Okay fine, so I stormed out after an innocent teenaged deli counter employee was sent to ask me to stop taking pictures and I responded with snide remarks and a barrage of petulant inquiries regarding their store policies. Something to the effect of "Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was a free country!" I sure showed him.)
I was hoping for a better result this time, but alas. We showed up early - it was just us and one other lady at the meat counter. The guy spent several minutes rummaging around the back for our turkey, and then presented me with one that was four pounds smaller than I ordered. I kindly sent him back. He rummaged around some more and returned with one a pound heavier, saying it was the largest organic bird he had. Though mildly irritated, I kindly sent him back once more, telling him I would settle for non-organic if I could get the extra poundage. More rummaging ensued, and finally he returned with a suitable bird. And then he got sassy with me:
HIM: You know, this turkey is the exact same bird as the one you were buying. All Diestel turkeys are organic. They just pay to have the Heidi's birds certified so you'll pay more for them.
ME: Are you sure about th...
HIM: Yep. Free range. No hormones, no antibiotics.
ME: Yes, I know all about Diestel's growing policies. But there's a difference between organic feed and non-organic fe...
HIM: It's the exact same feed.
ME: Yeah, okay. I'm going to have to consider that unsubstantiated.
He then proceeded to point me to BOUILLON CUBES when I asked for housemade chicken stock. I'm calling bullshit on his ass. And then I'm calling Diestel.
But it is also Southern California, so local produce is basically non-existent, and the organic options are limp, anemic and most likely Chilean.
Knowing this, I planned accordingly. My trusty Golf TDI and I traveled 505 miles yesterday with a cooler full of farmer's market veggies and a trunk full of Le Creuset. (And we still averaged 41 miles to the gallon!) The only thing I needed from the desert was some dairy prod and a turkey. A local gourmet chain down the street is offering a range of Diestel birds, a company with a great reputation for sustainability, so I ordered us a zaftig Heidi's Organic 14-pounder.
I went to pick it up this morning. Now, the last time I went to Southern California, I not only accosted a retail associate at an "eco" skincare boutique, I got kicked out of a "natural" a grocery store for taking this image of sad imported vegetables:
(Okay fine, so I stormed out after an innocent teenaged deli counter employee was sent to ask me to stop taking pictures and I responded with snide remarks and a barrage of petulant inquiries regarding their store policies. Something to the effect of "Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was a free country!" I sure showed him.)
I was hoping for a better result this time, but alas. We showed up early - it was just us and one other lady at the meat counter. The guy spent several minutes rummaging around the back for our turkey, and then presented me with one that was four pounds smaller than I ordered. I kindly sent him back. He rummaged around some more and returned with one a pound heavier, saying it was the largest organic bird he had. Though mildly irritated, I kindly sent him back once more, telling him I would settle for non-organic if I could get the extra poundage. More rummaging ensued, and finally he returned with a suitable bird. And then he got sassy with me:
HIM: You know, this turkey is the exact same bird as the one you were buying. All Diestel turkeys are organic. They just pay to have the Heidi's birds certified so you'll pay more for them.
ME: Are you sure about th...
HIM: Yep. Free range. No hormones, no antibiotics.
ME: Yes, I know all about Diestel's growing policies. But there's a difference between organic feed and non-organic fe...
HIM: It's the exact same feed.
ME: Yeah, okay. I'm going to have to consider that unsubstantiated.
He then proceeded to point me to BOUILLON CUBES when I asked for housemade chicken stock. I'm calling bullshit on his ass. And then I'm calling Diestel.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Color Me Bad: The Photo Essay
Thankfully, my trip to Rainbow revealed many non-paraben, non-PPD, non-peroxide, non-henna alternatives.
Showing up to my appointment, trying to make it seem fun...
I gave Lucas his pick of all the viable options.
Though he was particularly taken with the Logona literature,
he selected two colors from Changes by Tints of Nature, and we were off.
A little drippy...okay a lot drippy. Glad my bathmat and my boyfriend are safe at home.
45 minutes of steeping time put my post-color trim at risk, but it didn't break my spirit. And the conditioner packets smelled like tangerines!
End result: less cancer, safe dolphins, great color, and Lucas didn't break up with me.
Not yet anyway.
For those who want to replicate these results, we mixed cassia and dianthus from Changes by Tints of Nature. As for the stylist, I recommend bribery with booze.
Showing up to my appointment, trying to make it seem fun...
I gave Lucas his pick of all the viable options.
Though he was particularly taken with the Logona literature,
he selected two colors from Changes by Tints of Nature, and we were off.
A little drippy...okay a lot drippy. Glad my bathmat and my boyfriend are safe at home.
45 minutes of steeping time put my post-color trim at risk, but it didn't break my spirit. And the conditioner packets smelled like tangerines!
End result: less cancer, safe dolphins, great color, and Lucas didn't break up with me.
Not yet anyway.
For those who want to replicate these results, we mixed cassia and dianthus from Changes by Tints of Nature. As for the stylist, I recommend bribery with booze.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Color Me Bad: The Prologue
Ah hair salon puns. I just love them. Whoever came up with "Hair's What's Happening" and "Curl Up and Dye" made the world a better place.
But what happens IN the salons actually isn't so good for the world. In addition to increasing your risk of five different kinds of cancer, including the Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma that killed Jackie O, hair dyes can contaminate runoff and add particularly icky/off-gassy waste to our landfills.
This is troubling news indeed for those ladies with premature grey, or those whose natural color has been described BY OTHER PEOPLE INCLUDING MY OWN MOTHER as "dish water" and "mouse poo". So as Phase II of my personal Non-Caustic Cosmeceuticals campaign, I decided to look for an eco workaround.
First step: the World Wide Web. Copious Googling revealed that there's not a single natural professional dye on the US market, unless you count those used in Aveda Concept Salons, which I don't. I've been to one - good smells, mediocre styles.
Step two: home dying. I am no stranger to this process. In the best case scenario, you permanently stain only two or three towels and manage to color ALL the hairs on your head. In the worst case, you stain two towels, the tile grout, the shower curtain, the bath mat, your shirt, your jeans, your face and your boyfriend AND miss a big spot on the back of your head that your friend Rene has to come over and remedy the next weekend.
So the ideal situation would be to find a natural home dye and convince my awesomely disdainful longtime Pac Heights stylist, Lucas, to apply it for me.
Problems here are twofold:
1) Did I mention that he's disdainful, especially of my sustainable lifestyle? He calls my organic vegan shampoo "that twig shit".
2) All the dyes from Walgreen's are out because they contain just as many if not more chemicals than the pro varieties. Which means Rainbow Grocery which means, Holy Shit...henna? My mom used henna throughout my childhood, whipping it up with coffee in a big metal bowl and prancing around the house like a chimney sweep had sneezed on her head. Then she'd rinse it out, spiral curl, put on her Contempo Casuals harem pants and leave us with the babysitter while she and Dad went out for sushi.
These are not good memories.
But what happens IN the salons actually isn't so good for the world. In addition to increasing your risk of five different kinds of cancer, including the Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma that killed Jackie O, hair dyes can contaminate runoff and add particularly icky/off-gassy waste to our landfills.
This is troubling news indeed for those ladies with premature grey, or those whose natural color has been described BY OTHER PEOPLE INCLUDING MY OWN MOTHER as "dish water" and "mouse poo". So as Phase II of my personal Non-Caustic Cosmeceuticals campaign, I decided to look for an eco workaround.
First step: the World Wide Web. Copious Googling revealed that there's not a single natural professional dye on the US market, unless you count those used in Aveda Concept Salons, which I don't. I've been to one - good smells, mediocre styles.
Step two: home dying. I am no stranger to this process. In the best case scenario, you permanently stain only two or three towels and manage to color ALL the hairs on your head. In the worst case, you stain two towels, the tile grout, the shower curtain, the bath mat, your shirt, your jeans, your face and your boyfriend AND miss a big spot on the back of your head that your friend Rene has to come over and remedy the next weekend.
So the ideal situation would be to find a natural home dye and convince my awesomely disdainful longtime Pac Heights stylist, Lucas, to apply it for me.
Problems here are twofold:
1) Did I mention that he's disdainful, especially of my sustainable lifestyle? He calls my organic vegan shampoo "that twig shit".
2) All the dyes from Walgreen's are out because they contain just as many if not more chemicals than the pro varieties. Which means Rainbow Grocery which means, Holy Shit...henna? My mom used henna throughout my childhood, whipping it up with coffee in a big metal bowl and prancing around the house like a chimney sweep had sneezed on her head. Then she'd rinse it out, spiral curl, put on her Contempo Casuals harem pants and leave us with the babysitter while she and Dad went out for sushi.
These are not good memories.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Jenn Pattee Holiday Challenge
My friend Jenn Pattee is nothing short of a phenomenon. In addition to being an excellent personal trainer and the founder of her own outdoor fitness program, Basic Training, she is also one of the most genuinely creative and inspiring people I know. Everyone who spends time with Jenn leaves with great ideas...and possibly a hangover, if she's not training for a race. (She is also a VERY good time.) Another friend once described her as a good cancer - her awesomeness spreads.
Okay fine, so I have a girl crush on her. Who wouldn't? Check out those guns!
Anyway, one of Jenn's endless great ideas was that I should come up with the top ten experience gifts for the holidays - like a friendly Nothing New antidote to shopping blogs like MightyGoods.
So here goes, in no particular order:
UPDATE: The venerable JP herself has busted in with some additions to the list. Check 'em out!
10) BOOZE
Whether it's a bottle or a glass, people love to share good spirits. Last year I hosted cocktail parties at the offices of my three biggest clients - which provided a dual PR purpose, since I'd done some writing for a vodka label that year. My clients still talk about those parties. Way more memorable - and less wasteful - than popcorn tubs or peppermint bark.
JP: Navarro Vineyards in the Anderson Valley is great for gifts and wine clubs. For Thanksgiving, I sent my sister a case of Navarro Non-Alcoholic Grape Juice (and Pinot) for dinner. It's a great non-alcoholic wine option for dinner.
9) DANCING
None of us gets enough dancing in our lives. Why not coordinate a night of groovin' for your girls and your gays in the Castro? I had hoped to do this for my birthday but haven't gotten it together yet...
8) BUTTER
Sure, there's a lot of sweet stuff exchanged during the holidays. But can any of it compare to your own handiwork? Homemade cookies beat their gourmet counterparts any day.
7.5) MEALS OUT
JP: My favorite places to order gift certificates for dinner are the Slow Club and Serpentine. The gift certificates themselves are printed on beautiful cards, and for $100, a couple can easily get a full meal with wine and dessert. Those places also serve great brunches. Nat adds: Universal Cafe, Zuni, and Mission Beach Cafe, esp for brunch.
7) POSH PU-ERH
My first job in San Francisco was as the manager of a teahouse, so I have something of a soft spot for Camellia Sinensis. This town provides high tea opportunities at every social strata - from posh to quirky to trad to hipster. Everybody walks away feeling special, and with a natural high to boot.
6) WALL FLOWERS
San Francisco is fast becoming a city without artists - and those who are left are truly starving. Original art not only adds something permanent and meaningful to your friend's life - it can also provide a meaningful start for the artist. Places like Creativity Explored and SF Camerawork are particularly compelling for their exploration of new and outsider talent.
5.5) PERSONAL POLISH
JP: International Orange on Fillmore Street is a *great* place to send friends. They regularly offer "web specials": $15-20 off $100 gift certificates. Again, the certificates themselves are wrapped beautifully so the recipient really feels like they are receiving a "present" to unwrap.
A-manicure-a-month is nice, too. My all-time favorite spots are the Barber Lounge on Folsom Street and The Pampered Girl in Hayes Valley. You can combine the gift certificate with Zoya non-toxic nail polish from Whole Foods or Real Foods.
5) SOUNDTRACKS
What's more inspiring and memorable than music? I just read this article in The New York Times about bespoke domestic soundtracks. What an excellent idea, particularly if you hire my brilliant friend Ted of Bagel Radio. He doesn't know I'm suggesting this, and I'm not even sure he would do it. But if he would, oh man would you be glad. I've just hired him to make me a writing soundtrack.
4) SKILLZ
Cooking classes, art classes, singing lessons, writing seminars, autoshop, wine tasting, gardening...everybody has something to learn. And when you choose to learn together, you have memories for life.
JP: Cavallo Point has cooking classes and all sorts of retreats. It's a beautiful "destination vacation" that's just across from the Golden Gate Bridge. The Apple Farm offers weekend cooking classes on a functioning apple orchard in Anderson Valley. The cabins are adorable, and it's a great way to bond with a small group of chefs / aspiring chefs. Everyone cooks and eats together.
3.5) SKILLZ FOR YOUR PET
JP: My dog walker/trainer, Richard, is the best deal in town. He also works with owners to show them how to walk and train their own dogs. Richard Devera
(408) 829-8049
3) INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION
When you live in a city as culturally diverse as this one, it can be tough to take advantage of all the possibilities. Gift memberships to museums, City Arts & Lectures, or the Commonwealth Club can provide a yearlong excuse for friends to bond over a drink and a think.
2) GOODWILL
My friend Liza and I always splurge on birthday gifts, so a couple Christmases ago, we decided to give to others during the holidays. There are the larger organizations like Habitat for Humanity and Heifer International, but I also love the local enterprises like 826 Valencia and Glide Memorial.
1.5) HEALTH
JP: You can always treat someone to bootcamp classes with Basic Training!($20-$400)
You can also buy the runner in your life race registrations. It's an awesome way to support their running. Active.com is where you can check out upcoming races. Race fees are not refundable, so make sure your recipient is free that day.
1) LIFE
I speak, of course, of flora. Plants provide a friendly vista and fresh oxygen - two things we could all use more of - and at very little cost to the gifter or the giftee. I like to support local nurseries like Sloat and Flora Grubb - or you can always go big and do some planting with Friends of the Urban Forest. But you know, now that I think of it, I bet there's plenty of fauna that could use a home...perhaps a stray kitten for Christmas??
JP: Monica, the owner of Verde flowers in NOPA, is offering $50 classes in flower arranging. Her style is very modern, minimal, and lovely. She also uses a lot of unusual plants in her arrangements.
Whew, made it to ten. Anybody else want to add to the list?
Okay fine, so I have a girl crush on her. Who wouldn't? Check out those guns!
Anyway, one of Jenn's endless great ideas was that I should come up with the top ten experience gifts for the holidays - like a friendly Nothing New antidote to shopping blogs like MightyGoods.
So here goes, in no particular order:
UPDATE: The venerable JP herself has busted in with some additions to the list. Check 'em out!
10) BOOZE
Whether it's a bottle or a glass, people love to share good spirits. Last year I hosted cocktail parties at the offices of my three biggest clients - which provided a dual PR purpose, since I'd done some writing for a vodka label that year. My clients still talk about those parties. Way more memorable - and less wasteful - than popcorn tubs or peppermint bark.
JP: Navarro Vineyards in the Anderson Valley is great for gifts and wine clubs. For Thanksgiving, I sent my sister a case of Navarro Non-Alcoholic Grape Juice (and Pinot) for dinner. It's a great non-alcoholic wine option for dinner.
9) DANCING
None of us gets enough dancing in our lives. Why not coordinate a night of groovin' for your girls and your gays in the Castro? I had hoped to do this for my birthday but haven't gotten it together yet...
8) BUTTER
Sure, there's a lot of sweet stuff exchanged during the holidays. But can any of it compare to your own handiwork? Homemade cookies beat their gourmet counterparts any day.
7.5) MEALS OUT
JP: My favorite places to order gift certificates for dinner are the Slow Club and Serpentine. The gift certificates themselves are printed on beautiful cards, and for $100, a couple can easily get a full meal with wine and dessert. Those places also serve great brunches. Nat adds: Universal Cafe, Zuni, and Mission Beach Cafe, esp for brunch.
7) POSH PU-ERH
My first job in San Francisco was as the manager of a teahouse, so I have something of a soft spot for Camellia Sinensis. This town provides high tea opportunities at every social strata - from posh to quirky to trad to hipster. Everybody walks away feeling special, and with a natural high to boot.
6) WALL FLOWERS
San Francisco is fast becoming a city without artists - and those who are left are truly starving. Original art not only adds something permanent and meaningful to your friend's life - it can also provide a meaningful start for the artist. Places like Creativity Explored and SF Camerawork are particularly compelling for their exploration of new and outsider talent.
5.5) PERSONAL POLISH
JP: International Orange on Fillmore Street is a *great* place to send friends. They regularly offer "web specials": $15-20 off $100 gift certificates. Again, the certificates themselves are wrapped beautifully so the recipient really feels like they are receiving a "present" to unwrap.
A-manicure-a-month is nice, too. My all-time favorite spots are the Barber Lounge on Folsom Street and The Pampered Girl in Hayes Valley. You can combine the gift certificate with Zoya non-toxic nail polish from Whole Foods or Real Foods.
5) SOUNDTRACKS
What's more inspiring and memorable than music? I just read this article in The New York Times about bespoke domestic soundtracks. What an excellent idea, particularly if you hire my brilliant friend Ted of Bagel Radio. He doesn't know I'm suggesting this, and I'm not even sure he would do it. But if he would, oh man would you be glad. I've just hired him to make me a writing soundtrack.
4) SKILLZ
Cooking classes, art classes, singing lessons, writing seminars, autoshop, wine tasting, gardening...everybody has something to learn. And when you choose to learn together, you have memories for life.
JP: Cavallo Point has cooking classes and all sorts of retreats. It's a beautiful "destination vacation" that's just across from the Golden Gate Bridge. The Apple Farm offers weekend cooking classes on a functioning apple orchard in Anderson Valley. The cabins are adorable, and it's a great way to bond with a small group of chefs / aspiring chefs. Everyone cooks and eats together.
3.5) SKILLZ FOR YOUR PET
JP: My dog walker/trainer, Richard, is the best deal in town. He also works with owners to show them how to walk and train their own dogs. Richard Devera
(408) 829-8049
3) INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION
When you live in a city as culturally diverse as this one, it can be tough to take advantage of all the possibilities. Gift memberships to museums, City Arts & Lectures, or the Commonwealth Club can provide a yearlong excuse for friends to bond over a drink and a think.
2) GOODWILL
My friend Liza and I always splurge on birthday gifts, so a couple Christmases ago, we decided to give to others during the holidays. There are the larger organizations like Habitat for Humanity and Heifer International, but I also love the local enterprises like 826 Valencia and Glide Memorial.
1.5) HEALTH
JP: You can always treat someone to bootcamp classes with Basic Training!($20-$400)
You can also buy the runner in your life race registrations. It's an awesome way to support their running. Active.com is where you can check out upcoming races. Race fees are not refundable, so make sure your recipient is free that day.
1) LIFE
I speak, of course, of flora. Plants provide a friendly vista and fresh oxygen - two things we could all use more of - and at very little cost to the gifter or the giftee. I like to support local nurseries like Sloat and Flora Grubb - or you can always go big and do some planting with Friends of the Urban Forest. But you know, now that I think of it, I bet there's plenty of fauna that could use a home...perhaps a stray kitten for Christmas??
JP: Monica, the owner of Verde flowers in NOPA, is offering $50 classes in flower arranging. Her style is very modern, minimal, and lovely. She also uses a lot of unusual plants in her arrangements.
Whew, made it to ten. Anybody else want to add to the list?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Pinching Myself
I don't know if it's all the extra holiday advertising or the fact that the end of my Not New year is approaching, or simply that Mickey has started polluting my in-box with tawdry come-ons like this:
but I am SERIOUSLY jonesing right now. Like making 2009 buying lists jonesing. I just feel...itchy. Goes to show that an addict/hobbyist/enthusiast/professional is an addict/hobbyist/enthusiast/professional no matter how long it's been since she's purchased newly minted cashmere.
but I am SERIOUSLY jonesing right now. Like making 2009 buying lists jonesing. I just feel...itchy. Goes to show that an addict/hobbyist/enthusiast/professional is an addict/hobbyist/enthusiast/professional no matter how long it's been since she's purchased newly minted cashmere.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Quicken Earth October: Sobriety Check
OOPS!
We went to Canada this month for a rash of HCB family birthdays. While there, I was asked to perform a What Not To Wear style intervention for his sister at the local H&M. Me, free to spend a year's worth of pent-up retail energy for the benefit of another: I ROCKED that joint. Forty-odd separates later, I decided to top off her gift certificate. I realize H&M is EXACTLY the kind of disposable retail establishment that I have spent this year weaning myself from, but look, you just had to be there. She's a hot-looking, hardworking mom of three who SO deserved this splurge, and she was so happy to see herself looking fine. I consider it the gift of style. And I don't feel guilty about it. At All.
NECESSITIES
A couple nights before we left for Canada, I crashed my bicycle on the bastard MUNI tracks and sprained my ankle. Which sucked. I CURSE THEE, MUNI TRACKS. But I suppose it's a rite of passage. Seems everyone who's ever perched their butt on a bike seat in the 7x7 has eaten it on those tracks. In any case, I had to buy a couple of ACE bandages. And a few extra bottles of wine.
CREATIVE CONSUMPTION (i.e. USED ARTICLES)
I bought myself an early birthday present in the form of an oh-so delicate antique gold heart necklace at one of my de rigeur vintage stops, Elle Meme. (I'd show you a picture, but my camera is out of batteries and I can't find the charger.) I challenge you to go there and not feel special.
UP FOR DISCUSSION
Nothing fuzzy this month, apart from the shotgun trial subscription to Vegetarian Times - which I have already aborted.
ABSTENTIONS
The annual HOES chaos included getting this close to asking my friend Craig to buy me a giant beer can costume from the Halloween SuperStore. (It sounded insulating, and possibly waterproof.)
Thankfully I was able to summon the strength to Just Say No.
We went to Canada this month for a rash of HCB family birthdays. While there, I was asked to perform a What Not To Wear style intervention for his sister at the local H&M. Me, free to spend a year's worth of pent-up retail energy for the benefit of another: I ROCKED that joint. Forty-odd separates later, I decided to top off her gift certificate. I realize H&M is EXACTLY the kind of disposable retail establishment that I have spent this year weaning myself from, but look, you just had to be there. She's a hot-looking, hardworking mom of three who SO deserved this splurge, and she was so happy to see herself looking fine. I consider it the gift of style. And I don't feel guilty about it. At All.
NECESSITIES
A couple nights before we left for Canada, I crashed my bicycle on the bastard MUNI tracks and sprained my ankle. Which sucked. I CURSE THEE, MUNI TRACKS. But I suppose it's a rite of passage. Seems everyone who's ever perched their butt on a bike seat in the 7x7 has eaten it on those tracks. In any case, I had to buy a couple of ACE bandages. And a few extra bottles of wine.
CREATIVE CONSUMPTION (i.e. USED ARTICLES)
I bought myself an early birthday present in the form of an oh-so delicate antique gold heart necklace at one of my de rigeur vintage stops, Elle Meme. (I'd show you a picture, but my camera is out of batteries and I can't find the charger.) I challenge you to go there and not feel special.
UP FOR DISCUSSION
Nothing fuzzy this month, apart from the shotgun trial subscription to Vegetarian Times - which I have already aborted.
ABSTENTIONS
The annual HOES chaos included getting this close to asking my friend Craig to buy me a giant beer can costume from the Halloween SuperStore. (It sounded insulating, and possibly waterproof.)
Thankfully I was able to summon the strength to Just Say No.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
HOES (Halloween Outfit Emergency Syndrome)
HCB and I are what you call an old couple. Having been together for several years now, we are so familiar with our respective habitudes that we can predict the outcome of every interaction. It's comforting. Like Groundhog Day, but with costume changes.
Take Halloween, for instance. Halloween is HCB's favorite holiday, not least because it involves an inordinate number of women dressed up as a (sexy)________. As in (sexy)nurse, (sexy)witch, the ever-popular (sexy)kitten, and of course the somewhat redundant (sexy)French maid.
As for me, I need (sexy) like a fish needs a bicycle. I find the whole thing incredibly insulting, especially considering that Halloween happens to occur in OCTOBER, a time of year when it's COLD and often RAINING. You try wearing panties as outerwear when it's 45 degrees.
Our Annual HOES conflict goes something like this:
HCB: dream of (sexy)costumes for weeks
Me: ignore/avoid all discussion of costumes for weeks; manage to retrieve costume box from storage unit at 6 pm Halloween night
HCB: arrive home from work excited about parties and (sexy)costume possibilities
Me: search costume box, closets, friends' closets and even last-minute Halloween SuperStores for (sexy)costume alternatives, preferably featuring GoreTex and abundant poly fill
HCB: express disappointment that I don't share his enthusiasm for (sexy)holiday
Me: Feminist Indignation
HCB: Sulky Resignation
Beer
But this year brought an unexpected twist. After convincing HCB to let me borrow his full hockey ensemble - because what could be more (sexy) than a Leafs defensewoman - he busted out his tried and true adult-sized Tigger suit and we hit the town.
Little did we know that in the Castro, a straight man in a Tigger costume is a (sexy)Tigger. He was hunted all night long. I had to fight off a (hairy)nun, a (hairy)devil,
an extremely aggressive (hairy)Esther Williams
and a SCARY (hairy)Ronald McDonald.
Good thing thing I happened to be in possession of a hockey stick. My ardent Feminism saved HCB from getting raped.
PS Thanks for the pics, Kate!
Take Halloween, for instance. Halloween is HCB's favorite holiday, not least because it involves an inordinate number of women dressed up as a (sexy)________. As in (sexy)nurse, (sexy)witch, the ever-popular (sexy)kitten, and of course the somewhat redundant (sexy)French maid.
As for me, I need (sexy) like a fish needs a bicycle. I find the whole thing incredibly insulting, especially considering that Halloween happens to occur in OCTOBER, a time of year when it's COLD and often RAINING. You try wearing panties as outerwear when it's 45 degrees.
Our Annual HOES conflict goes something like this:
HCB: dream of (sexy)costumes for weeks
Me: ignore/avoid all discussion of costumes for weeks; manage to retrieve costume box from storage unit at 6 pm Halloween night
HCB: arrive home from work excited about parties and (sexy)costume possibilities
Me: search costume box, closets, friends' closets and even last-minute Halloween SuperStores for (sexy)costume alternatives, preferably featuring GoreTex and abundant poly fill
HCB: express disappointment that I don't share his enthusiasm for (sexy)holiday
Me: Feminist Indignation
HCB: Sulky Resignation
Beer
But this year brought an unexpected twist. After convincing HCB to let me borrow his full hockey ensemble - because what could be more (sexy) than a Leafs defensewoman - he busted out his tried and true adult-sized Tigger suit and we hit the town.
Little did we know that in the Castro, a straight man in a Tigger costume is a (sexy)Tigger. He was hunted all night long. I had to fight off a (hairy)nun, a (hairy)devil,
an extremely aggressive (hairy)Esther Williams
and a SCARY (hairy)Ronald McDonald.
Good thing thing I happened to be in possession of a hockey stick. My ardent Feminism saved HCB from getting raped.
PS Thanks for the pics, Kate!
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