Altercations with Southern California Grocery Professionals

Thanksgiving 08 is at my aunt Diane's house in Palm Springs. I love the desert. Peaceful and quiet and arid. Many scenic cacti. 80 degrees in the wintertime. And filled to the gills with The Aged and/or Gays' Awesome Mid-Century Detritus.

But it is also Southern California, so local produce is basically non-existent, and the organic options are limp, anemic and most likely Chilean.

Knowing this, I planned accordingly. My trusty Golf TDI and I traveled 505 miles yesterday with a cooler full of farmer's market veggies and a trunk full of Le Creuset. (And we still averaged 41 miles to the gallon!) The only thing I needed from the desert was some dairy prod and a turkey. A local gourmet chain down the street is offering a range of Diestel birds, a company with a great reputation for sustainability, so I ordered us a zaftig Heidi's Organic 14-pounder.

I went to pick it up this morning. Now, the last time I went to Southern California, I not only accosted a retail associate at an "eco" skincare boutique, I got kicked out of a "natural" a grocery store for taking this image of sad imported vegetables:



(Okay fine, so I stormed out after an innocent teenaged deli counter employee was sent to ask me to stop taking pictures and I responded with snide remarks and a barrage of petulant inquiries regarding their store policies. Something to the effect of "Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was a free country!" I sure showed him.)

I was hoping for a better result this time, but alas. We showed up early - it was just us and one other lady at the meat counter. The guy spent several minutes rummaging around the back for our turkey, and then presented me with one that was four pounds smaller than I ordered. I kindly sent him back. He rummaged around some more and returned with one a pound heavier, saying it was the largest organic bird he had. Though mildly irritated, I kindly sent him back once more, telling him I would settle for non-organic if I could get the extra poundage. More rummaging ensued, and finally he returned with a suitable bird. And then he got sassy with me:

HIM: You know, this turkey is the exact same bird as the one you were buying. All Diestel turkeys are organic. They just pay to have the Heidi's birds certified so you'll pay more for them.

ME: Are you sure about th...

HIM: Yep. Free range. No hormones, no antibiotics.

ME: Yes, I know all about Diestel's growing policies. But there's a difference between organic feed and non-organic fe...

HIM: It's the exact same feed.

ME: Yeah, okay. I'm going to have to consider that unsubstantiated.

He then proceeded to point me to BOUILLON CUBES when I asked for housemade chicken stock. I'm calling bullshit on his ass. And then I'm calling Diestel.