Take Halloween, for instance. Halloween is HCB's favorite holiday, not least because it involves an inordinate number of women dressed up as a (sexy)________. As in (sexy)nurse, (sexy)witch, the ever-popular (sexy)kitten, and of course the somewhat redundant (sexy)French maid.
As for me, I need (sexy) like a fish needs a bicycle. I find the whole thing incredibly insulting, especially considering that Halloween happens to occur in OCTOBER, a time of year when it's COLD and often RAINING. You try wearing panties as outerwear when it's 45 degrees.
Our Annual HOES conflict goes something like this:
HCB: dream of (sexy)costumes for weeks
Me: ignore/avoid all discussion of costumes for weeks; manage to retrieve costume box from storage unit at 6 pm Halloween night
HCB: arrive home from work excited about parties and (sexy)costume possibilities
Me: search costume box, closets, friends' closets and even last-minute Halloween SuperStores for (sexy)costume alternatives, preferably featuring GoreTex and abundant poly fill
HCB: express disappointment that I don't share his enthusiasm for (sexy)holiday
Me: Feminist Indignation
HCB: Sulky Resignation
Beer
But this year brought an unexpected twist. After convincing HCB to let me borrow his full hockey ensemble - because what could be more (sexy) than a Leafs defensewoman - he busted out his tried and true adult-sized Tigger suit and we hit the town.
Little did we know that in the Castro, a straight man in a Tigger costume is a (sexy)Tigger. He was hunted all night long. I had to fight off a (hairy)nun, a (hairy)devil,
an extremely aggressive (hairy)Esther Williams
and a SCARY (hairy)Ronald McDonald.
Good thing thing I happened to be in possession of a hockey stick. My ardent Feminism saved HCB from getting raped.
PS Thanks for the pics, Kate!
No comments:
Post a Comment