Quicken Earth March: A Celebration of Mixed Metaphor

Self-righteousness, Cynicism, Avoidance and Guilt.

Desafortunatamente, these are the sharks you'll find circling the sustainability movement. As in:

"I drive a hybrid, Bitch."

"You're just hopping on yesterday's turnip truck."

"This shit is confusing! Why is it my problem?"

and

"[insert your pick of my confessional blog entries here]"

Actually, I've perpetrated all of these attitudes, as has just about everybody with an affinity for polar bear cubs. Maybe it's natural to react with negativity when we're all bobbing around in the unknown sans proper water safety apparel, holding our breath as the sea level rises.

But I'd like to recommend we try a new tack:

Let's all order a Claim Jumper-sized entrée of HOPE, with a starter salad of FUN and two generous sides of OPEN-MINDEDNESS and TRYING OUR BEST. (And an entire Red Delicious apple for garnish, as is the custom.)

Oh, and you guys? The ones muttering under your breath that we're all gonna drown anyway? (I know you're there: I can hear you chewing with your mouths open.) You guys should order the 10-pound slice of chocolate cake for dessert. There's no attitude a hearty baked good can't adjust.

OOPS! (Formerly known as SINS)

There was some free stuff. But I'll tell you this: it was an act of restraint compared with orders past. Usually I get seduced by cha-cha bikinis, age-inappropriate sundresses, boardshorts (operative word: short) and hoochie skirts too microscopic to ever see the 55-degree San Francisco light of day. By my previous standards, I kept it real.


NECESSITIES (Formerly known as ADMISSIBLE NECESSITIES)




CREATIVE CONSUMPTION (Formerly known as PREVIOUSLY OWNED FRIVOLITIES)

Dudes! I didn't even go to Cris! Is it possible that I am beginning to wean myself from the ways of the wallet?

Also, because I do not wish to make him a crutch, let's recall that HCB brought home that lovely food processor.


UP FOR DISCUSSION (Formerly known as TECHNICALITIES)



Brandi gave me a tee shirt, but I'm inclined to declare all items promoting independent singer/songwriters exempt from scrutiny. (Also, it's very attractive and looks good with my hair color.)

Gifts are always tough. Nobody wants to be the Green Grinch. So I got Grandma a basket of tulip bulbs for her birthday. (Which happens to be today. Happy Bday, you adorable April Fool!) Origins of the basket aside, I'm digging the plant option.


ABSTENTIONS

I'm still thinking about this baby.



And I *may* have perused yet another J. Crew catalog, thereby discovering the Shoe of the Month Club. But their footwear pinches my feet. So Mickey can suck it.