I go through tissues like Pete Doherty goes through second chances. Something must be wrong with me. It's probably The Cancer finally come to get me.
Thank the sweet baby Jesus for green bins. Without compost, I'd be...carrying around a lot of tissues. And asparagus butts and tea leaves and the sweet smell of decay.
Compiling mental list of all procedures I'm thankful NOT to have scheduled this week: teething cleaning, car oil change, lady garden maintenance...
Thanks to the plastic generated from last night's home-cooked organic vegetarian meal, I'm going to smell faintly of Tofurky Italian "Sausage" for the rest of the week. What's left for me? Crudité?
Speaking of crudité, Whole Foods, you bastardos, quit hermetically sealing your fresh vegetables.
Stayed up half the night concocting totally antithetical detritus avoidance schemes. Like: I know! I'll open a brand new yogurt container so I don't have to finish the last one! Logic at its finest.
Cannot stop humming Fake Plastic Trees.
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2 comments:
dude, I can't believe you went for tofurky sausage. That's pretty off-brand, isn't it? And it doesn't have anything to do with trash, right? I mean, I thought that sausage was kind of like trash-food, all mushed together and compacted into a nice, tubular container...
What you say is true, Dear Liza. But imagine what I'd smell like if I were carrying around real italian sausage wrappers...
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